lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
