She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
