Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
