so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
