btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
