im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
