I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I am available for nakedness
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
