How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
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