i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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