it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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