I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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