This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
