The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
