I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
