you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
