Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize