woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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