Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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