Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
