"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize