kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
