I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
