Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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