You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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