You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
