Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize