Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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