i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
