Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
