Your mouth is God's brothel.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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