I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
