If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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