the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
