They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
