I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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