this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
