i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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