someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
