i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
