You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
