the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize