the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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