watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
