I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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