There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
