You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
