i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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