it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
