Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
