I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
this boner is exhausting
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
