Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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