i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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