That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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