I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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