Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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