i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
