Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Your dad touched me again.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
