I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This girl is more easily done than said...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
