I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
it's great music for shaving your balls
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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