I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I am available for nakedness
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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