I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
