In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
