Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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