You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
