wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
