I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
