So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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