i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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