She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
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