i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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