I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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