Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
