you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
