Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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