Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
