All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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