I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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