I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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