I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
