She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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