after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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