i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
there was a trapeze. enough said
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
