I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
