Someone shit on the floor
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
